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The Renaissance Festival Veterans Administration

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Construo Id Et mundanus Volo Venio
"Build It and The Mundanes Will Come"

Being a RenVet is not quite unlike going to a kinder, gentler Valhalla or Disney's version of a medieval Vietnam. We work our asses off building, maintaining and performing in funny clothes in the hottest/coldest/wettest of weather, often for nothing more than the food in our bellies or the opportunity to "kill" some of our comrades. We practice our respective crafts slavishly for the amusement and edification of the general public to brighten up their otherwise art-starved lives. We brave the unfriendly flora & fauna, hygienic uncertainties and communal claustrophobia of Faire Life with good cheer (most of the time) and fortitude. We create, carouse, make friends, fornicate, marry, raise families, divorce, often on the same Saturday night. We IMPROVISE. Then, we get up the next morning, somewhat sodden, and do it all over again. We are Actors & Directors, Musicians & Merchants, Artisans & Alekeeps, Techies & Rosegirls, what have you, and we are proud of what we do. (at least what we let others know about...) Being a RenVet isn't just a job, it's a bloody lifestyle choice, and hooking up with the RFVA is one way of making a little sense out of the chaos of our nomadic life. In addition to the nifty Guild Pin with the RFVA logo & motto, you will receive a Certificate of Abused Authority to hang at your place of business, institution of higher learning or inside door of your lavatory to remind yourself how lucky you are not to be using a Portojohn.

You Know You're A RENVET when...

  1. You can drive your house into town.
  2. You can see exposed 2X4s when you wake up in the morning.
  3. You don't see anything wrong with going two days without a shower.
  4. You forget how to flush.
  5. You think of the Orange Top*, Friendlys & even Pizza Hut as Fine Dining.
  6. You think the bathroom at the local gas station as clean.
  7. You see someone with a knife and wonder why it isn't "peace bound."
  8. You get an incredible urge to wrap your sneakers in burlap.
  9. You try to unbutton your pouch...and you're not wearing one.
  10. Someone asks you the time and you look at the sun.
  11. You know everybody on the Faire advertising posters by name.
  12. You need a policeman and look for someone in a yellow T-shirt.*
  13. You give back rubs to people you don't even know...on a subway.
  14. You've gotten to the point where you like the feel and/or taste of burlap.
  15. You've built up a tolerance for fire ants, poison oak/sumac/ivy and yellow jackets.
  16. Your work week BEGINS on Saturday.
  17. You're watching a fencing match and wonder why one of the fencers doesn't just cold cock the other.
  18. You find a dead bug in your food and keep eating.
  19. Its raining and all you can think is "At least the weather is period."
  20. You miss having sex in a tent.
  21. Food that hasn't been scorched over an open fire (or can of Sterno) tastes funny.
  22. You really appreciate things like running water, windows and doorknobs.
  23. Your most precious possession is a blue tarp.
  24. You get into a bar fight and can't stop throwing stage punches/knaps.
  25. You start to show the bus driver your Faire Pass.
  26. You dream in Basic Faire Accent.
  27. You have reoccurring nightmares about "Privy Diving."
  28. You have the incredible impulse to turn every soda bottle you find into a bee trap.
  29. The first thing you want to do when it rains is hide out at a Mall.
  30. You go hiking and can't help thinking that you're on your way home.
  31. You go shopping and inexplicably find a bag of ice in your cart...in December.
  32. You order "scotch Eggs" for breakfast...at Burger King.

(Many Thanx to Lance Druger & Clev Peters for many of the above criteria.)

* Applies to NYRF Vets.